truth be told

my work does not require me to be in the office every day but on workdays I stay up all night. otherwise, I don't wake up early like typical moms do. I am not a morning person. I sleep very late. I go to bed at around 2-3am and I have been sleeping at this time for the past few years, and many times it was even later than that. that's why mornings are a struggle that even coffee can't cure. I know it's really bad and I have to shake myself out of this habit. I am not sure what it is. maybe because I want too much out of my life and I want to do so many things but the laziness creeps up on me when I am frustrated and mad about something. I think I lost myself somewhere along the road and haven't really found my way back.

on a positive note, I think of myself as a multi-tasker. when I start doing things - mommy things (e.g. laundry, sorting, cleaning the room, cooking, dishes, groceries) I do it all at the same time because I want to get things done right away so I could finally do what I really want to do (e.g. reading, watching movies, and blogging). I admit I can be really lazy that I annoy people in the house. I have my reasons and most of them are truly valid reasons why I can't do things as expected of me. but despite the lazy attitude, I get things done and fast. that's who I am. I am selective of what I do, what I want, and can really be stubborn only because things are not easy for me. people I deal with every day are not easy.  the day to day stuff can either go really bad or turn out really good.

i knoow, i know better. no excuses for laziness. however, some people tend to be so overly judgemental about everything because it's just who they are. some are not as open-minded as you expect them to be. they judge, rant, nag, gossip and forget that people they talk about are in need of help and understanding. they make a bigger fuss about most things. I am so not like them. I am calmer and quieter, but I also have had some enraged moments that I am not proud of. I am not perfect and no one is. unfortunate things just happen around me and I try as best as I can to be mature about certain things in my life that I have no control of. maybe for others, they are what they are because of what goes on with their lives and I respect that, that's why I don't talk shit about them and their stuff especially behind their back. I understand that people make bad choices, good choices, simple choices and they shouldn't be judged based on their actions alone. we all have our reasons.

there is always hope. and I believe in hope. holding on to HOPE make things all better. I am just really thankful despite all the drama that's going on in my life, our girls are doing their part to make life easy for our family. I suppose being who they are now is a result of good parenting. yeah, yeah, some people may roll their eyes while reading this, but I think I did a pretty good job raising my kids. 

p.s. oh but I do wake up early on weekdays to prepare cheska for school.  

I confess

"some days I am young and stupid 

while other days  I am old and wise. 

on my worst days I am old and stupid 

and everyday i wish to be 

young and wise."

I don't measure life by youth. 

the only way you can understand things

is through contrast. 

-you've got to have youth to have age

-give me sadness so i can have happiness

-let me fail so i can succeed.

as we learn and experience things,

our truth change many times.

a few things i want

or wish i have.

a large bed space so i can have

a little fun with our room sometimes

   i want this hat!   

i think i found something like it in surplus.

and, i also have been wanting
to cut my hair really short 

for like forever... i just need to lose some weight first.

i am buying this book.

but i have a few things to pay first before 

i buy a little something for myself.

i plan to put up an inspiration board in our room.

this will really be so fun to do with the girls.

i would like to re-paint an old dresser
if only my mom will allow me to have hers and paint it red.

i've felt annoyed and negative about everything lately. 

mostly about this certain person and stuff that this person do.

and it helps to be in my wonderland sometimes
where i can be happy about something to turn my mood around.
 this is what i came up with- a few of things that inspired me today.

if you must know

Music and Me

Music has always been a big part of my life. When I was younger I was surrounded by music and music lovers - my brothers, my cousins, and the person who influenced me the most, my dad. Those who know me know that my dad was a wonderful singer and I inherited a little bit of that talent. I grew up listening to 1950s and '60s music. My dad would listen so loudly and repeatedly all throughout the day to Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, and Dean Martin and I would get so embarrassed because my neighbors could hear them. In the '80s, my cousins and brothers were my biggest influence. They were into pop and jazz and I grew up listening to their music too but I don't know why I didn't like it as much or felt excited listening to these genres. I chose to listen to New Wave and appreciated the sound in a much more profound way. This was also the time where I started to practice a lot of singing- mostly in the bathroom just like my dad. My type of music geared towards Alternative Rock during the '90s. The only radio station specifically played this genre was NU107. I listened to The Smiths, New Order, Siouxie, and the Banshees, Morrissey, Gene Loves Jezebel, The Cranberries, Stone Temple Pilots, etc.. My brothers didn't like hearing much of it. Maybe hated it even. Although my taste for music was different, I still adored listening to all sorts. I sang a lot growing up. I went to sleep with the radio on, awoke still with the radio on. Not a day passed without music in my head literally because I had a radio cassette player placed above my head in my bed.

After college my love for music took a hiatus because my life changed. I became a mom. A very young mother. The whole obsession for loud music became difficult to do. I no longer had the time to sing as much as I want to. My favorite music seemed to slip away from me. The only songs I sang over and over were baby songs and humming sounds I invented in my head. I'm not saying I lost my love for music because of motherhood, it was always there but I wasn't embracing it as much as I had in the past. I realized too that childbirth can change your voice because mine got deeper - like two musical notes down, and it got so frustrating and sad because I can't sing higher notes anymore. And then suddenly I just stopped singing. I stopped trying. But it didn't stop me from listening and appreciating the evolution of music. 

And now as I think back and reminisce about the good old days and all the men in my life who contributed to my love for music and singing, I realized that music can love you back. When you hear that certain song you liked so much, it can take you away and bring you back to that special place where you felt that special feeling forever etched in your heart. Melody and Rythm can uplift your spirits. A song can comfort you at your darkest moments. Lyrics can express what you cannot say to someone. Music brings people together. I married someone who loves to sing too and I envy his ability to sing high-pitched songs. It also goes without saying, I am blessed with talented girls who each have the heart for music. It's a whole new generation for me once again and I am absolutely loving music all over again. 

cool outfits. 

from me to you

the awesome thing about having a blog is that you can do whatever you want with it even though your life isn't exactly as exciting as others. and by "others" i mean, these people who have great writing skills, a true journalist. i am not one of them. blogging for me is a creative outlet of my imagination, my scrapbook of things i find interesting. it doesn't have to consist of just people in my life, but it's how i make fun with it to keep me amused. some of the pictures and quotes i post are found treasures and not mine. they keep me inspired and it's a great way to appreciate what's "out there". i am a fan of photography and when i see a real nice work of art i post it. so, if someone says my blog is better than yours because i use and re-post pictures i found on tumblr or other sites, it annoys me a little, hence, this post...

this whole blogging thing is therapeutic. i have always kept a journal of some sort when i was little and i have always loved to collect things. like it or not, it doesn't really matter what you think but i hope this post will inspire you to have fun with your own blog and discover a little more about the blog world and how it can inspire you too rather than criticize. mind your life if you don't appreciate things you see here. go sleep. 

a month to go...

It's November! 

which means Christmas is just around the corner. 

It's been a tough year for most people i know including myself
but the spirit of Christmas is still here especially when you hear
all those christmas songs again.
i love the feeling.

It reminds me so much of my childhood, and my dad, 

and his extremely loud perry como christmas jingles when he's at home
making fruit salad for everyone.
 i used to hate it (the loud music), and now i miss it.