truth be told

my work does not require me to be in the office every day but on workdays I stay up all night. otherwise, I don't wake up early like typical moms do. I am not a morning person. I sleep very late. I go to bed at around 2-3am and I have been sleeping at this time for the past few years, and many times it was even later than that. that's why mornings are a struggle that even coffee can't cure. I know it's really bad and I have to shake myself out of this habit. I am not sure what it is. maybe because I want too much out of my life and I want to do so many things but the laziness creeps up on me when I am frustrated and mad about something. I think I lost myself somewhere along the road and haven't really found my way back.

on a positive note, I think of myself as a multi-tasker. when I start doing things - mommy things (e.g. laundry, sorting, cleaning the room, cooking, dishes, groceries) I do it all at the same time because I want to get things done right away so I could finally do what I really want to do (e.g. reading, watching movies, and blogging). I admit I can be really lazy that I annoy people in the house. I have my reasons and most of them are truly valid reasons why I can't do things as expected of me. but despite the lazy attitude, I get things done and fast. that's who I am. I am selective of what I do, what I want, and can really be stubborn only because things are not easy for me. people I deal with every day are not easy.  the day to day stuff can either go really bad or turn out really good.

i knoow, i know better. no excuses for laziness. however, some people tend to be so overly judgemental about everything because it's just who they are. some are not as open-minded as you expect them to be. they judge, rant, nag, gossip and forget that people they talk about are in need of help and understanding. they make a bigger fuss about most things. I am so not like them. I am calmer and quieter, but I also have had some enraged moments that I am not proud of. I am not perfect and no one is. unfortunate things just happen around me and I try as best as I can to be mature about certain things in my life that I have no control of. maybe for others, they are what they are because of what goes on with their lives and I respect that, that's why I don't talk shit about them and their stuff especially behind their back. I understand that people make bad choices, good choices, simple choices and they shouldn't be judged based on their actions alone. we all have our reasons.

there is always hope. and I believe in hope. holding on to HOPE make things all better. I am just really thankful despite all the drama that's going on in my life, our girls are doing their part to make life easy for our family. I suppose being who they are now is a result of good parenting. yeah, yeah, some people may roll their eyes while reading this, but I think I did a pretty good job raising my kids. 

p.s. oh but I do wake up early on weekdays to prepare cheska for school.