Monday, November 29, 2010

truth be told

my work does not require me to be in the office every day but on work days i stay up all night. otherwise, i don't wake up early like typical moms do. i am not a morning person. i sleep very late. i have been going to bed at around 3am and i have been sleeping at this time for the past few years, and many times, it was even later than that. that's why mornings are a struggle that even coffee can't cure. i know its really bad and i have to shake myself out of this habit. i am not sure what it is. maybe because i want too much out of my life and i want to do so many of things but the natural laziness creeps up on me when i am down or mad about something. i think i lost myself somewhere along the road and haven't really found my way back.

on a positive note, i think of myself as a multi-tasker. when i start doing things (e.g. laundry, sorting, cleaning the room, cooking, dishes, groceries) i do it all at the same time because i want to get things done right away so i could finally do what i really want to do (e.g. lounging, reading, watching dvd, and blogging). i admit i can be really lazy that i annoy people in the house- i have my reasons for that. but despite the lazy attitude, i get things done and fast. that's who i am. i am selective of what i do, what i want, and can really be stubborn only because things are not easy for me. the day to day stuff can either go really bad or turn out really good.

i knoow, i know better. however, some people tend to be so overly judgemental about everything because it's just who they are. some are not as open minded as you expect them to be. they judge, rant, nag, gossip and forget that people they talk about is in need of help and understanding. they make bigger fuss about most things. i am so not like them. i am calmer and quieter. but i also have had some enraged moments that i am not proud of. i am not at all perfect. no one is. things just happen around me and i try as best as i could to be mature about certain things in my life that i have no control of. maybe for others, they are what they are because of what goes on with their lives and i respect that, that's why i don't talk shit about them and their stuff especially behind their back. i just know that people make bad choices, good choices, simple choices and they shouldn't be judged based on their actions alone. we all have our reasons.

there is a lot of hope to make things all better. i am just really thankful that despite all the drama that's going on, our girls are doing their part to make life easy for our family. i suppose, being who they are now is a result of good parenting. some people can roll their eyes, but i think i did a pretty good job raising them. 

p.s. oh but i do wake up early on weekdays to prepare cheska for school.  

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