Monday, November 29, 2010

truth be told

my work does not require me to be in the office every day but on work days i stay up all night. otherwise, i don't wake up early like typical moms do. i am not a morning person. i sleep very late. i have been going to bed at around 3am and i have been sleeping at this time for the past few years, and many times, it was even later than that. that's why mornings are a struggle that even coffee can't cure. i know its really bad and i have to shake myself out of this habit. i am not sure what it is. maybe because i want too much out of my life and i want to do so many of things but the natural laziness creeps up on me when i am down or mad about something. i think i lost myself somewhere along the road and haven't really found my way back.

on a positive note, i think of myself as a multi-tasker. when i start doing things (e.g. laundry, sorting, cleaning the room, cooking, dishes, groceries) i do it all at the same time because i want to get things done right away so i could finally do what i really want to do (e.g. lounging, reading, watching dvd, and blogging). i admit i can be really lazy that i annoy people in the house- i have my reasons for that. but despite the lazy attitude, i get things done and fast. that's who i am. i am selective of what i do, what i want, and can really be stubborn only because things are not easy for me. the day to day stuff can either go really bad or turn out really good.

i knoow, i know better. however, some people tend to be so overly judgemental about everything because it's just who they are. some are not as open minded as you expect them to be. they judge, rant, nag, gossip and forget that people they talk about is in need of help and understanding. they make bigger fuss about most things. i am so not like them. i am calmer and quieter. but i also have had some enraged moments that i am not proud of. i am not at all perfect. no one is. things just happen around me and i try as best as i could to be mature about certain things in my life that i have no control of. maybe for others, they are what they are because of what goes on with their lives and i respect that, that's why i don't talk shit about them and their stuff especially behind their back. i just know that people make bad choices, good choices, simple choices and they shouldn't be judged based on their actions alone. we all have our reasons.

there is a lot of hope to make things all better. i am just really thankful that despite all the drama that's going on, our girls are doing their part to make life easy for our family. i suppose, being who they are now is a result of good parenting. some people can roll their eyes, but i think i did a pretty good job raising them. 

p.s. oh but i do wake up early on weekdays to prepare cheska for school.  

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I confess

"some days I am young and stupid 
while other days  I am old and wise. 
on my worst days I am old and stupid 
and everyday i wish to be 
young and wise."

I don't measure life by youth. 
the only way you can understand things
is through contrast. 
-you've got to have youth to have age
-give me sadness so i can have happiness
-let me fail so i can succeed.
as we learn and experience things,
our truth change many times.

Monday, November 22, 2010

a few things i want

or wish i have.

a large bed space so i can have
a little fun with our room sometimes
   i want this hat!   
i think i found something like it in surplus.
and, i also have been wanting
to cut my hair really short 
for like forever... i just need to lose some weight first.
i am buying this book.
but i have a few things to pay first before 
i buy a little something for myself.
i plan to put up an inspiration board in our room.
this will really be so fun to do with the girls.
i would like to re-paint an old dresser
if only my mom will allow me to have hers and paint it red.
i've felt annoyed and negative about everything lately. 
mostly about this certain person and stuff that this person do.
and it helps to be in my wonderland sometimes
where i can be happy about something to turn my mood around.
 this is what i came up with- a few of things that inspired me today.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Music and Me

Music has always been a big part of my life. When i was younger, I was surrounded by music and music lovers - my brothers, my cousins and the person who influenced me the most- my dad. Most that know me, knew that my dad was a wonderful singer and I inherited a "little bit" of  that talent. I grew up listening to the 1950's and 60's and I remember my dad would sing and listen to his music so loud continuously all day to Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, and Dean Martin songs. In the 1980's, my cousins and my brothers were my biggest influence. I grew up listening to their music too, but I was more into the new wave genre and pop and jazz was their thing. This was also the time where i started to practice a lot of singing (mostly in the bathroom, just like my dad). My type of music geared towards alternative rock when the 90's came and the only radio station specifically played that category was NU107. I listened to New Order, Siouxie and the Banshees, Morrissey, Gene Loves Jezebel, and then Cranberries-which is my all time favorite, Stone Temple Pilots, etc.. My brothers never really  liked  hearing them. Even though my taste for  music was different, I still  adored listening to all sorts. I sang a lot. Went to sleep with the radio on, awoke- still with the radio on, not a day has passed without music in my head literally because I had a radio casette player placed above my head in my bed.

But, after college- my life became busier. I became a mom. The whole obsession for loud-music became difficult to do. I no longer had the time to sing as much as I wanted to. Music seemed to slipped away from me- the only songs I knew and repeatedly sang were baby songs and humming sounds I invented in my head. I'm not saying that I lost my love for music because of motherhood- it was always there, huge part of me, but i wasn't embracing it as much as I had in the past. I realized too, after you give birth, there is  a tendency for  your voice to change because mine got lower and it was frustrating not to be able to sing higher notes anymore- thus, my love for Carpenters. Eventually I stopped trying, I stopped singing, but I didn't stop appreciating the evolution of music.

And now as i think back and reminisce the good old days and all the men in  my life who contributed to my love for music and singing, i realized that music can love you back. When you hear that certain song you liked so much, it can take you away and bring you back to that special place where you felt that special feeling forever etched in your heart. Melody and rhythm can uplift your spirits. A song can comfort you when you are in your darkest moments. Lyrics can explain what you cannot say to someone. Music brings people together.. I married someone who loves to sing too and I envy his ability to sing high-pitched songs. It also goes without saying, I am blessed with talented girls who each has the heart for music. It's a whole new generation of music for me once again and I am absolutely digging it.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

cool outfits. 

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

from me to you

the awesome thing about having a blog is that you can do whatever you want with it even though your life isn't exactly as exciting as others. and by "others" i mean, these people who have great writing skills, a true journalist. i am not one of them. blogging for me is a creative outlet of your imagination- my scrapbook of things i find that are interesting. it doesn't have to consist of just people in my life, but it's how you make fun with it to keep you amused. some of the pictures and quotes i post are found treasures and not mine. they keep me inspired and it's a great way to appreciate what's "out there". i am a fan of photography and when i see a real nice work of art, i post it. so, if someone says my blog is better than yours because i use and re-post pictures i found on tumblr or other sites, it annoys me a little, hence, this post...

this whole blogging thing is therapeutic. i have always kept a journal of some sort when i was little and i have always loved to collect things. like it or not, it doesn't really matter. but i hope this post will inspire you to have fun with your own blog and discover a little more about the blog land rather than brag about something you don't really know or have discovered.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

a month to go...

It's November! 
which means Christmas is just around the corner. 
It's been a tough year for most people i know including myself
but the spirit of Christmas is still there especially when you hear
all those christmas songs again.
i love the feeling.

It reminds me so much of my childhood, and my dad, 
and his extremely loud perry como christmas jingles when he's at home
making fruit salad for everyone.
 i used to hate it (the loud music), and now i miss it.